Live from Los Angeles, CA this is the Raw Deal…

If you’re looking for a Summerslam recap it was exclusive to thejohnreport.net and you can check it out HERE if you want. This is going to be shorter than my usual because it’s already late and I’m busy as hell today.

The show started with The Nexus in the ring cutting a promo. Even though they lost at Summerslam they defeated six WWE stars and the rumors of the group ending are greatly exaggerated. They’re still focused on ending WWE…and here comes Cena. He’s in funny mode, so there’s no “quiet voice then a REALLY LOUD VOICE” here. He is happy. I’d be happy too if I got DDT’d on the floor, popped up and beat two guys in about 30 seconds. That’s called Superman booking. Anyway, he runs down all the Nexus guy and of interest to me is what he said to Heath Slater. He called him Wendy from Wendy’s hamburger fast food joint. That’s my line, WWE! Been using it for months! You sons of bitches. You should at least plug thejohnreport.net when you steal my material. First Jerishow, then KOOL-AID and now this. Probably other stuff too, but hell if I can remember. I got about 40 messages on twitter about it, double that on FBook and then a bunch of emails too. I’d just like to say you’re welcome to WWE. Waiting for my thank you. I’ll accept it via paypal donation or a blank check. Whatever you prefer. I’ll be ranting about this on my next podcast, that’s for sure. Back to the show, he stole a Homer Simpson joke with the “meow meow meow” thing on Skip Sheffield. Anyway, it was mostly a good job by Cena. His delivery was okay and the material wasn’t that bad. The GM sent an email to say all Nexus guys would be in a match tonight versus WWE guys and Barrett said if anybody lost they were out of the group. It’s an interesting idea for a show long angle. I was expecting a lot of DQ or countout finishes because most of team WWE’s guys don’t lose clean.

Wade Barrett d. Chris Jericho (*3/4)
With so many other matches on the card, none of these contests got much more than about 5 minutes. It was a back and forth match that Barrett won clean with his finisher. Want to know why Chris Jericho’s the man? Because he loses clean in a match where he should lost clean. And it won’t hurt him because he’s that good. This is why he’s as respected as anybody in the business.

Oh crap, guest hosts. Hit FF on the DVR. Sorry, I just don’t care. Hey the Hart Dynasty! Now I care. They have finally ditched the unified belts and now have one set of belts, which are brand new and look really nice. You know what would be nice for them? A feud. Maybe a PPV title match that gets 15 minutes. That would be good. Anyway, we find out through the video wall that Justin Gabriel will challenge Bret Hart.

Hey there’s Vince McMahon’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I wonder how many people have pissed on it. That would be a good “Did You Know?” stat. Find out, WWE.

Michael Tarver d. Daniel Bryan (1/2*)
You know what the difference is between Tarver and Bryan? Daniel’s talented. He lost here, though, in about 2 minutes. The crowd was hot for him, which is great, because his return was the highlight of Summerslam for me. Miz & Alex Riley, who WWE apparently really likes on NXT this season, showed up to take Bryan’s attention away. Then Tarver, who is not a good worker, rolled up Bryan for the win. Post match, he dove onto Miz, but then the three heels triple teamed him and Miz finished it off with the Skull Crushing Finale. I would love a Miz/Bryan 15 minute match at Night of Champions. That would be fantastic!

Backstage, Miz & Riley cut a promo with Miz saying Bryan’s not special while Riley said he’d win season 2 of NXT thanks to Miz. What does winning matter? Barrett doesn’t even get a title shot, or does he? Who knows anymore? Anyway, loving this feud and Cole speaking up for Miz all the time makes me tolerate Cole. Of course he’s annoying the rest of the show.

More backstage, Darren “Black Cena” Young said he’d face Cena tonight. The other guys gave him props for stepping up while Wendy had a Frosty.

Before the next match, the GM said Gabriel won’t be wrestling Bret Hart because the GM hates Bret Hart. Didn’t the GM have Bret bring out the tag belts? Are we supposed to forget that already? I don’t expect consistency anymore. Anyway, instead of Hart they will have Gabriel face Orton.

Justin Gabriel d. Randy Orton via countout (*)
Another three minute special. Basically Sheamus came out, Orton chased after him, knocked him into the crowd and stayed out long enough to get counted out. Then he came back in the ring, gave Gabriel the RKO and the crowd forgot that he lost the match. HUGE POP for that.

After the match, Orton beat the shit out of Sheamus. He used a chair on his back several times, like six times. Don’t correct me if I’m wrong. I didn’t count. Then he left, then Sheamus got back up, so Orton came back and gave him a RKO. Does anybody remember he lost the match? Nope. Orton was on fire here, so was the crowd. And Cole really put over how angry Orton was about not winning the belt at Summerslam. He’s never seen him like that before. Well, as a babyface we haven’t.

Skip Sheffield & David Otunga d. John Morrison & R-Truth (*)
Ha, Cole ripped on R-Truth during his entrance saying “I get it!” when he did the “What’s up?” stuff. That was oddly entertaining. They really must like Otunga in ring if they stick him in the tag. Skip won with the clothesline on Morrison. Why do they hate Morrison so much? The guy needs a push and to be back on Smackdown, where he was doing just fine. Post match the heels celebrated the win.

Jillian, Alicia & Maryse d. Melina, Gail & Eve (*)
Hey Melina, why are smiling like a typical babyface woman in WWE that never gets mad? Didn’t you get brutally attacked the night before? Should we not remember that? The match was okay, but not great. I was figuring Melina gets the win here. But no! Jillian with a win. And a massive celebration. That was great…the celebration I mean. The match was just your typical Raw diva contest.

Are you listening to the TJR podcasts? You can do it here and look for new editions every Wednesday. We record on Tuesday nights.

Backstage, Edge was cutting a promo and Heath Slater showed up. They’re facing eachother tonight, so he asked Edge if he could lose for him. Edge said no, then called him a “Wendy’s look-alike, ginger haired, Edge wannabe.” That was pretty epic. It’s not like I hate Slater. I just think his hair makes him look weak. Then Edge, even though he’s a veteran heel, walked away like a dumbass and Wendy knocked him down.

Heath Wendy Slater d. Edge via countout (*1/2)
Heath won via countout because Edge, for some reason, wanted to give him a spear out on the floor. Heath dodged it and then ran back in the ring when the count was at 9. It was a decent 4 minute match although it’s sad when you have to book another countout finish. Just like in the Orton match, Edge gave Slater his finisher to end the segment. In other words, forget that he even lost.

Great Khali was backstage with the Justin Long dude that annoys me. He gave him dating tips for his woman in India, then the Bellas showed up and he left with them. I’m sure somebody thought this was funny. I was not one of those people. Should have FF’d this. I disappoint myself.

How many times was the Nexus theme song played on this show, by the way? The live crowd must have hated that. At least it’s not “Wild & Young” aka the song I hate.

Summerslam week recap. I had at least five bigger parties this summer and another this week. You lie, WWE.

Hey, a blatant plug for Cena’s new purple shirt. So green to orange to purple. I’m sure all the Cena marks are buying it. And people wonder why he sold out to kiss the butt of the people? Money, people. Everybody has a price. Word life. Wait, can I remember he used to say that?

John Cena d. Darren Young (*1/2)
Shocking that Cena won huh? This was the longest match on the night at about 8 minutes. I don’t like the way Young sells moves. Every time he’s on the receiving end of a punch he opens his mouth and does a little yell. It’s lame. It’s too fake. The crowd didn’t give a shit when he was on offense probably because they, like everybody, knew that Cena was winning. Young tapped out to the STF to presumably be kicked out of The Nexus.

Post match, The Nexus boys showed up. Cena bailed like a wimp! What a hero! They all beat the shit out of Young, ending with Gabriel hitting his 450 splash. The end was great. Barrett was walking out of the ring, then the ref on the other side of the ring (Jack Doan, I think) told him to get back in for the final pose. I love noticing things like that. I’m sure some guy will write online about how Barrett has heat now. The show ended with The Nexus celebrating in the ring.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Daniel Bryan – He didn’t do that much, but I don’t care. Glad he’s back!
2. Randy Orton – On fire.
3. Wade Barrett – Good promo work and had a solid match with Jericho, who made him look awesome.

Worst Moment of the Week
Khali, the Bellas and guest hosts. Automatic worst.

5.5 out of 10
Last week: 6.5

Lots of matches on the show, but none of them got too much time. The problem is that the win that team WWE got at Summerslam was quickly negated by the fact that the Nexus guys went over WWE’s guys here. Well, aside from Darren Young, who is probably the second worst Nexus guy. I’d say Tarver is the worst. If Young comes back, no big deal. If he doesn’t, no big deal. I guess the point is that they won’t tolerate losing, but it also kills the result of Summerslam and makes people feel like they wasted their money. That’s why Nexus winning that match at Summerslam was what should have happened. It’s like we’re going in circles again.

On the other hand, Daniel Bryan is back and I think his feud with The Miz has the potential to be the feud of the year in a year that is short on them. I’m looking forward to see that one develop.

No polls. I’m tired. I’ll try not to be as late next week.

Hey guest hosts, fuck off. Thanks.

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